Akirame 2.2 - 愛想笑い(formal smile)
Reincarnation
Hanyuu Maigo - Aza
Aisowarai(formal smile)
- a tentative biography of Nicha Rapheephat (draft 0)
{CONTINUATION}
RECAP: little Nicha quickly got used to the comfort and luxury of being the daughter of a wealthy diplomat. But, as the adage says, be careful what you wish for: it might just come true.
Happy, drunken foreigners who think this land of evil spirits is paradise on earth.
I welcome them wholeheartedly.
They remind me of a Buddhist tale where a man mistakes a bladed wheel for a beautiful lotus crown. When he puts it atop his head, it grips him with its jagged blade and slices into his skull for all eternity.
Their ignorant naivety is the only source of optimism in this jaded town. It’s a joy watching them act like children in their adult playgrounds at pubs down the road.
They even help my family pay the bills by coming to our homestay, and consequently help me look useful because I’m the only one who can actually understand what they say.
Even though I write about them so condescendingly, I actually envy their carefree hedonism.
Ah! How nice would it be if I could just fly to someplace where I didn’t know a soul and drown myself in all the pleasure my nervous system could handle? And for cheap, too.
The Reincarnation of Nicha Rapheephat
I
No paved roads, just parched red soil with deep dark cracks. A wooden shack pregnant with the stench of rat urine. A crippled grandmother raising a toddler on condensed milk.
Such scenes were and still are all too common across rural Thailand.
“Why are they living in such a place?” Nicha asked after returning to the Rapheephat’s mansion from one of their humanitarian trips.
Lying listlessly on the couch, Mrs. Rapheephat started, “Everything is dictated by Karma.”
“Why are some babies born to wealthy families while others to poor families or even abandoned? It's all Karma, Nicha.”
Nicha tilted her head in confusion. Mrs. Rapheephat readjusted the pillows underneath her head.
“The good baby had surely done good deeds in its previous lives, and the bad baby had committed sins. So in the end, everybody gets what they deserve.”
Nicha was intrigued by this very convenient explanation but still had some doubts.
Was a person’s sins really the cause of their hardship?
If so, why should she and her mother have to atone for the sins of some other people from some previous lives? Indeed, she didn’t know any of those people nor had control over their actions.
Nicha asked Mrs. Rapheephat even more questions about Buddhism and learned about the Jataka tales——the previous reincarnations of the Buddha——about the trees of thorns in hell that sinners must climb——about the giant copper pot sinners are boiled in——and about the endless sea of milk up in heaven.
Before long, Nicha was too fascinated by the elaborate lore of Buddhism to question it. She didn’t want to be punished in hell or be reincarnated as an insect. She wanted to go to heaven and take her mother with her, so she became a pious Buddhist.
She made sure never to violate the five precepts——except the one about lying, of course. Before dawn, she would wake up to pray and meditate then make offerings to the monks when they stopped in front of the Rapheephat’s estate. At night, Mrs. Rapheephat would read her the Tripitaka until she fell asleep.
She even had a religious experience——fell into a trance——at a Buddhist sermon, although, in hindsight, it’s probably an effect exhaustion due to lack of sleep.
II
When she returned to school in Bangkok, she told her classmates about her religious awakening and got ridiculed for it.
“Don’t you know that Buddhism is all made up?” one kid said.
“The only religion people follow nowadays is the government and the law,” another one added.
When confronted about the matter, Mr. Henrik could only give her a stiff smile.
“Is it really as they say? Is Buddhism really just a bunch of lies? But then… What happens after we die? Where do we go?” Nicha asked.
“Lies or not doesn’t matter. People have different beliefs about what comes after death. Some say they’ll be forever in heaven with their God or gods. Some say they’ll be reincarnated into something or someone else.”
“Then, what do you believe is true, Mr. Henrik?”
Mr. Henrik put down his book and faced Nicha.
“Do you remember anything from before you were born?” He asked.
“No?”
“Exactly, it’s empty. Before life, we were nothing, existing in a place that doesn’t exist. And I believe that place is exactly where we’ll return to after death.”
The thought of becoming nothing terrified Nicha, and it showed on her face.
“Does that scare you, Nicha?”
“I don’t know,” Nicha answered hesitantly.
“Quite strange, isn’t it? Even though we all came from that emptiness, we are afraid to go back. But as I've gotten older I’ve come to find that that emptiness is the kindest resolution to human life.”
Seeing Nicha tensed up, Mr. Henrik added,
“I’m not telling you to believe what I believe. We’re all free to believe what we’re inclined to, and that’s all fine. As a teacher, it is my duty to show you different perspectives and let you come to your own conclusion.”
III
Nicha was kept awake for nights, haunted by the image of the emptiness Mr. Henrik spoke of. She had never been so afraid, not of any ghosts and not even of her father.
To be apart from everyone and everything she’d known. Her mother. Her cute plushies. The lights of Bangkok. Mr. Henrik.
To forget all the precious feelings and emotions she’s accumulated. Her mother's warmth. The sweet taste of sashimi. The joy of reading stories. To be forever oblivious to the fact that she existed at all.
Seeing her daughter so restless, Nicha’s mother drew Nicha close and stroked her hair with her rough, tired hands.
IV
In the end, Nicha never really came to any conclusion about what comes after death.
When her mother suffered a stroke and passed away in the middle of a crowded market, Nicha still wasn’t sure where she would end up.
A part of her hoped her mother was in heaven so she would have a chance to visit. But that wouldn’t last forever, and she’d probably still be in the endless cycle of reincarnation, which is all very tiring. Nicha didn’t want her to suffer anymore.
“Maybe the emptiness Mr. Henrik told me about is like sleep. A tranquil sleep that goes on forever.”
“If so, I want my mother to sleep peacefully.”
Yet peace is reserved for the dead, not the living.
After a quiet funeral at a Chinese temple, lies became truths, and thus Nicha became Nicha Rapheephat.
She said goodbye to Mr. Henrik, gifting him a copy of an essay she wrote about death.
Then it was back to the Northern Province, her new forever home.
Author’s note
It’s getting real edgy up in here!
Isn’t this series supposed to have the theme of smiles or something?
Completely forgot about that!
Simply had no place to insert it anywhere!
It became all religious all of a sudden. I mean, I guess there have been references since the first chapter but whatever.
I hope you’re not too sick of this story yet… I think I’ve got like maybe 5 more parts coming.
Will Nicha’s life be comfy now that she’s legally the Rapheephats’ child?
Find out on the next episode of Nicha’s Bizarre Adventure.